there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
