Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
