party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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