I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
