i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
