I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
PANTIES FOUND
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
