my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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