I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
