Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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