She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
