Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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