dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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