Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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