Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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