Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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