Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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