she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
