Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
