PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
