I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
