In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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