If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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