So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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