I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
