Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
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