my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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