yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
