You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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