I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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