also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
