whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
