you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
