I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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