ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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