I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
