Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
