Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize