the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
