it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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