Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
