I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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