Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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