Sry I called you an 8
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We got so high we made milksteak
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
