what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
