WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
