new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
