It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize