Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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