just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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