I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
