You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
