I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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