If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize