i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
