Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize