Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
