Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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