Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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