I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize