A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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