YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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