You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
