well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
