I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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