I got chris browned last night
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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