a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
