Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
