on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
